My marriage fell apart after 17 years.. The time between the separation and post divorce was one of the darkest time in my life. I can vividly remembered every time I opened my eyes after a restless sleep I would literally see the cloud of depression hanging over my head. Just to take a shower was like a big chore. I was downed, depressed, distressed and disappointed. I would lock myself in my room and cried my eyes out, then wiped my tears, forced a smile and attended to the well being of my sons. I could not let them see I was hurting, I had to be strong for them, to put on a front as I was told that they will be okay if they think that I am all-right. I looked forward to the end of each day and dreaded waking up in the morning. This was the cycle of my life for many months.
One particular day I was feeling very hopeless. I had tried to remain strong for too long, I had forgiven, I have read articles and completed several sessions with a counsellor but there was a strong feeling of hopelessness. I looked at myself in the mirror, gazed at my loose skin and stretch marks and wondered who on earth would ever want me. The thought of being alone for the rest of my life, anxiety about my finances and questions about my ability to be a single mother and raise two boys in North America attacked my mind. Hope was quickly slipping away.
Hope, in the dictionary, is defined as “feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.” The Bible defined hope as “A confident expectation and desire for something good in the future.” The truth is, you need hope to move from today to tomorrow, life doesn’t make any sense if you have no good expectations. Now faith is “the confidence that we shall receive the things for which we hope.”
Therefore, without hope, you really don’t need faith. Hope is what mobilize faith. There are over 20 verses in the Bible that encourages us about not losing hope. I have quoted some of these scriptures at various times in my life when I was believing for a new car, a job or money etc. However, it was not until I was facing this very dark time that I truly understand how important it is to have hope. Without hope you have no reason to fight for your life and if you are not fighting you don’t need to have faith.
I bawled out to God to give me renewed hope and to give me faith to see beyond my present situation. The best description of love is found in First Corinthians 13. This scripture gave me the tools to get my hope back. I started to apply the principles of love in my life. I choose to suffer long, to be kind and gentle, to not be easily angered, to keep no records of wrongs and to not delight in evil but rejoices with truth.
My dark situation has really cause me to have a deeper understanding of why these three things must remain in our lives – hope, faith and love. There is no true living without them, let them remain in you no matter how bad things are as it is these three things, hope, faith and love that will get you through the dark times.