Stumbling block to emotional healing


Life sometimes throws a curve ball our way so forceful that our plans and dreams are shattered into pieces and leave us so broken to the point where it is easy to get stuck in our pain.   It takes great courage to get up and move on but so worth it because for every end there is a new beginning.

I will not in any way undermine the grief that is associated with the lost of a loved one, the end of a relationship, loss of a job or any other tragedy that you may have faced.  However, someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, and has experienced your lost… yet, someone survived and you can too.

Highlighted below are ten things that will keep you stuck to your suffering.  Give them up and you will be able to put the past behind you so that new hope can grow.

1. Denial

Refusing to acknowledge what has happened will immobilize change.  You cannot refuse to deal with the problem and hope it goes away.  It won’t.

2. Self Pity

Self pity is an excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s own trouble.  It will keep you feeling sorry for yourself so much that you are unable to see the good that is in your life.  There is always something to be thankful for.

3. Not accepting responsibility

If you fail to acknowledge and accept the choices that you have made you will continue to blame others.  By not accepting responsibility for the circumstances you reduce the power to change.

4. Victim Mentality

Unfair situation happens to almost all of us. “A woe is me” attitude will keep you feeling defeated.  Life is about 10 percent of what happens to us and 90 percent of how we react to it.  Thinking like a victim instead of a victor will definitely extend the pain.

5. Finding comfort in your pain

The pain one feels after awhile can become a crotch, and an alibi to remain stuck in the situation because it is easier to remain attached to the pain than to change.


6. Keep talking and thinking about it

You starve what you want to die and feed what you want to live.  Constantly talking about the tragedy keeps the pain fresh in your memory.  If you keep opening old wound it will not get better.

7. Mourning for too long

It is absolutely normal to mourn a loss and no one can dictate how long you should mourn.  However, there comes a time when you have to pick up the pieces, dry the tears and move on.

8. Failing to let go

A closed fist cannot receive anything unless you open it. It is pointless to hold on to something that you cannot control or change.

9. Pride

Misfortune happens to the good, bad, rich, poor, ugly and the pretty.  To think that it should happen to others but not to you is pride and this type of thinking will keep you asking “why me?”  No one is above calamity!

10. Unforgiveness

Marianne Williamson summed it up well unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.  It is not a cliché; unforgiveness will bind you to your pain and the person who have wronged you.

There is life after tragedy and you are so much more than what has happened to you.  May you find the grace to get up and keep going. A new beginning awaits you!