In spite of what most people think, no one is immune to infidelity. It can happen to anyone, any time and under any circumstances. There is just something about this type of betrayal that hit you in the very core of your being.
I was once in a similar position and am sharing from the knowledge garnered and applied in my life during this very trying period. It is my hope that the information provided will equip you with some survival skills during what can be a tumultuous period.
First, I would like to address an extremely common action taken by the cheating spouse and that is to shift the blame from her/him self and blame the other for the reason why she/he cheated. I want to make one thing clear; don’t let your wife /husband or anyone else try to convince you that it is your fault that she/he cheated on you. For everything that you are accused of doing or didn’t do, there are thousands of couples who experience the same situation and remain faithful to their mates. Your spouse chose to respond to the marital problem like that. Her/his decision had nothing to do with the way you look or treated her/him but was drawn by his or own desire.
Now that I have made that point clear, I will now list other skills that I applied to keep me from falling apart when I faced this dilemma.
1. Do not take the blame for your spouse cheating; your spouse is responsible for her/his action
2. Take care of yourself
• eat right, exercise, think right
• Do not expose yourself to unnecessary hurt; do not snoop, do not contact the other woman/man
• Get enough rest – go to bed on time
• Socialize – even when you don’t feel like it
• Never lose hope
3. There are many facets to you:
• A mother/father
• Your occupation
• A child of God
• You are more than just someone’s wife/ husband
4. When things are going good, everyone can behave right. Hard times reveal true self so don’t allow yourself to be too disappointed by your spouse’s action.
5. Do not compare yourself with others, especially the other woman/man –you have your own qualities and uniqueness.
6. Forgive yourself for the part that you played in the breakdown of the marriage and do not allow yourself to be governed by anger.
7. You can still achieve your goals – God’s purpose for your life is not altered by your circumstance.
8. Set new goals for yourself.
It is important to remember that things get better with time. The storm never last forever. Do your best to demonstrate self respect and guard your dignity. The decision to leave or stay is yours and yours alone. In my next two blog I will talk about how to move forward after infidelity and factors to consider when deciding whether to leave or stay. Be kind to yourself.