Practical approach to deal with a cheating spouse

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Now a days it seem like cheating on your partner is the norm and many out of frustration have learned to live with it for many reasons, including the fear of loneliness.  There are some people in a relationship who spend a great deal of time snooping around and find discriminatory evidence.  Yet they never confront their spouse and have no intention of doing it.  Instead they complain to others, become bitter and full of anger.  It is never a good idea to snoop, if you feel you have to snoop then there is a trust issue that needs to be addressed, in addition, if all you do is complain and have no intention of doing anything about it – this is even more reason not to. However if you have clear evidence that your spouse is cheating whether you choose to confront him or not; you have to protect yourself, physically, mentally and financially because a cheating spouse is liable to do anything.  Like passing on STD to the faithful partner, no longer provides financially for his family, move out to be with his mistress and so forth.

I remember having a conversation with a friend and she told me how she stayed in an unhealthy marriage until one day out of frustration, she threw a few stuff in her car, drove off and never returned; as a result she lost everything and up to today has not been able to recover from the financial lost.   Not wanting to experience the same fate I made sure to put a plan in place when I found myself in a similar situation. You may also like to read:

I am not the first to have faced this situation and sadly, I won’t be the last and for this reason I am sharing how I dealt with my situation with the hope that it may help anyone facing a similar situation to at least slow down and not make an hasty decision but instead respond to what is happening in an intelligent manner.

Step 1  Confront your spouse with the evidence of the affair. Expect one of the three responses:
1. In spite of the evidence presented, he may blatantly deny the affair and may even make you think that you are crazy.
2. He may admit to having one but defends his action by blaming you as the reason why he had an affair
3. He may admit to it, apologizes and shows remorse.

The latter is the ideal response, and if you truly feel that your spouse is remorseful and willing to work on regaining your trust then you may consider getting counselling and work things out.  Unfortunately, most times the response will not be ideal and in such a situation you should proceed to step 2.

Step 2  Protect yourself:
1. Physically by using a condom during sexual intercourse as the last thing you want is to contract STD or get pregnant; it is not wise to bring a child in an unstable situation, that will only make things more complicated for you.
2. Mentally, by remaining emotionally healthy. You won’t make rational decisions if you are depressed.
3. Financially, by setting up an individual account; start saving and watch how you spend money. As mentioned earlier, cheating men sometimes neglect their financial obligations to his family because he is now using the money to shower his mistress with gifts. Another reason to save is so that you will have money in the event you find yourself on your own.

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Step 3  Open a safe deposit box at your bank or find another secure place where you can safely keep important documents, for example copy of your marriage certificate, birth certificates and so forth.

Step 4  Confide in a close friend or family member so at least someone knows what is going on.

Step 5  Write down a back-up-plan  as to what you will do in the event the marriage doesn’t survive the infidelity.  The reason why you need to write it down is during stressful time it is hard to make good decisions.

Step 6   Do your best to maintain; courage, self-esteem and self respect.  Be honest about the way you feel and have realistic expectations.

My wish is that both you and your spouse will work on saving the marriage.  However not all marriages survive infidelity.  In the event yours don’t, brace yourself for the storm ahead but take solace in knowing that like every storm, this too shall past.

May God grant you peace and comfort.

Uldean