When the nice Christian guy turns out to be not so nice

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Throughout my walk as a Christian, we ladies are constantly reminded that we must not be unequally yoke with unbelievers.  The premise, I suppose is that when two Christians get married the marriage has a greater chance of surviving than the marriage of a believer to a non-believer.  As a result, many Christian women compromised looks, status and education to marry a nice Christian guy.

I was one of those women who got married to a nice Christian guy.  Twelve years into the marriage, my Christian husband demonstrated behaviours that were far from Godly and the marriage subsequently ended in divorce.  I have also witness other Christian ladies suffered the same faith, not just in my local church but also in the wider Christian community when news of allege affairs of well-known ministers, musicians and other famous faces, break.  Usually if there is restoration to the church of these Christian men – it is with them marrying a new and most times younger wife and the ex-wife is left to grow the children while dealing with the pain of betrayal, shame and the overall let down by the church.

Since my experience, I question the whole “unequally yoke” concept preach by the church.  Is one believer marrying another believer the main ingredient for having a successful marriage?  In a group discussion, I was once told by an advocate of the “unequally yoke” message that one of the reason for her wanting to marry a Christian man is that he will lead the family in devotions and other spiritual matters.  It has been a proven fact that in most Christian families, men fall short of being the priest of the home.  With all this being said, is there any incentive for a Christian lady to  marry a Christian man as oppose to her marrying an unbeliever?

Uldean

8 comments on When the nice Christian guy turns out to be not so nice

  • Strawberry

    Not go be unequally yoked is a command given to all believers because God knows two can’t truly become one in spirit if one is a spirit of darkness and one is a spirit of the light. Women believers shouldn’t look for a “nice Christian man”, but rather a believing man who actually has demonstrated his faithfulness to Christ over a period of time. And even then, yes, they can slip (King David, a tried and true example)…but we still must love them in grace and truth, unless of course on cases of abuse, adultery, or if they leave us. It’s difficult and not easy for sure. I married a very good man, but it’s taken a long time, a lot of struggle to be even somewhat on the same page spiritually, and that is very difficult as well. I’m sorry you went thru that♡

    • balmingilead (author)

      Hello, I do appreciate your comment and I can clearly tell you that in no way I am referring to meeting someone in church without doing due diligence. Yes, David fell but he repented with a broken and contrite heart. Unfortunately, we do not see the same kind of remorse in the church. It is time the church minister to the many hurting women in church, including many pastor’s wife. Also, if the church is going to preach unequally yoke then they must teach the men in church to be better husbands..sadly there is hardly any difference in their behaviour from the non believer. Thanks for your kind words. I have made peace with my experience. Much blessings on you and your family.

      Uldean

  • Chrissie Em

    Wow Im not religious and this just reinforces what I’ve believed. I’d much sooner trust a non believer. thanks for this post

    • balmingilead (author)

      Hello Chrissie,

      Thanks for your comment. My personal decision is to marry someone because he is a good person, not because he professes Christianity. God ask us to love people and trust only Him.

      Uldean

  • Bread

    Hi, I’m agnostic at best, definitely a non-believer. Never christened, never part of any church. Been married to my wife now for four years, my wife who attends church, believes whole-heatedly and wears a head scarf as part of her daily prayers. Our marriage is definitely successful and people should marry people they love and respect, regardless of religion. Respect is more important than simply the belief in something.

    • balmingilead (author)

      Hi, thanks for your comment. Congratulations on your marriage and I wish you and your wife many years of bliss. I definitely have grown to appreciate what you have said about love and respect.

  • Emilee

    Wow. I am so sorry you had to go through that. This is my worst fear as I try to date and find a partner. As a Christian woman, I cannot imagine building a life and raising children with a man who does not love Jesus. But we only need to look as far as the Duggar scandal to know that marrying someone who seems like a “good Christian man” does not guarantee happiness or stability. After learning the statistics on divorce and adultery in my social psychology class, I am starting to think that it might be best to stay single. I wrote about my thoughts on this as well as what I think God’s thoughts are. I know that there are good Christian men out there. And I don’t think that any man who would treat his wife like this is a real Christian anyway.

    • balmingilead (author)

      Hello Emilee, Thanks for your comment. I totally agree that there are still good Christian men but may not be so easy to find. You should still be opened to finding love and get married as you may not suffer the same fate. It is sad that the rate of divorce in the church family is just as high as those of non believer. I honestly believe that if the church put more effort into fixing the men; the family will be fixed.
      Uldean

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