Divorce and loneliness

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One of the consequences of divorce is loneliness; at least it is for the partner who is not already in a relationship.   Loneliness couple with pain can lead to making wrong relationship decision if you are not careful.  It is during this period that you have to make an intentional effort to resist the temptation to use people to replace your pain.

In the past, I have observed a beautiful and educated young lady who soon after her separation got involved with a man in the community who is well known for having affairs with multiple women.  At the time, I questioned her behaviour and wondered how a beautiful and intelligent woman such as herself could get involved with such a person.

I later found out when I had to deal with my own separation and subsequently divorce why it is so easy to fall in a similar situation.  When a woman is going through a bad breakup, she yearns for comfort but as a way of also protecting herself from getting hurt again she usually gravitates towards a man she knows is not available, someone who doesn’t treat her well or someone who is not ready to settle down.

Unfortunately these relationships most times don’t last.  I have seen women in these kind of relationship conceived – only to break up and now have an additional child to grow up without a father.  Or they find themselves trapped in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship which they can’t seem to walk away from despite the fact they are being treated like crap.

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If you find yourself in one of these unhealthy co-dependent relationship after a breakup; work on regaining your self -worth,  slowly break the co-dependency, realise you deserve so much better, walk away and be willing to heal first and wait until you can find a meaningful relationship.

You may also want to read trust yourself again

If on the other hand, you know you are not totally healed and is tempted to enter a relationship out of loneliness, I recommend that you don’t – do not replace your pain with people because eventually you are going to have to deal with the pain for complete healing to take place; getting into a relationship prematurely will only numb but not heal.  The wiser thing to do is to allow time after the break up; try not to seek from man what only God can give.  God is the only one who can provide the comfort and healing that you need.

Jesus said to the woman at the well, who had five failed relationships and was presently involved with a man that was not even her husband, “ whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”  The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water so that I will not get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (John 4: 14 – 15).   In other words she said to the Lord, if you fill the void in my life I will no longer have to seek fulfilment in wrong relationships.

Uldean