Controlling anger that stems from divorce

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One of the emotions that I encountered during the separation and the aftermath of the divorce was anger.  I was extremely angry at my ex; how he seem to just replace my kids and I with his new, younger bride and their kids in less than 4 years of the separation.  I was angry at my pastor who knew us as a couple, knew about my ex infidelity but yet officiated at the wedding of my ex and his pregnant bride.  I was angry when the photos of my ex’s wedding flooded facebook and people in our circles congratulated him.  I got angry each time I faced a financial lack and became angry when I felt I was growing my kids alone while his new kids are growing with a mother and father.  Honestly, there were times when I was angry for no reason, I was angry at ‘Karma’ for taking too long and yes I was even angry at God.

You might also want to read “I have all right to be an angry single mother.”

I consider this emotion to be one of the most dangerous because uncontrolled anger can lead to harm of self and others.  Anger wants revenge; whether to speak badly about the person, lash out or inflict physical wound on the offender or on a scapegoat.

There are many scriptures that address ‘anger’ and usually they are warning against uncontrolled anger – maybe because of the damage anger can cause.  Below are some scriptures about anger that really helped me to put things in proper perspective.

1.Ephesians 4:26-27BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”

2. Proverbs 29:11A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back.”

3. James 1:20for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

4. Colossians 3:8 But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.

5. Proverbs 16:32He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

6. Psalm 37:8-9 Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.”

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It is interested to note that the Bible never said we should not get angry because anger is a natural response to injustice or unfair treatment.  However, the Bible does warn us not to sin when we get angry or to let the sun go down on our wrath.  From my experience, it is rare to get rid of anger by sun down because I find getting rid of anger is a process, so it may take days, weeks and even months. I would like to understand that the Bible is saying that you should not nurse anger to the point that it gets deep seated in your soul. Anger does not allow you to behave right.

I still struggle with anger because sometimes there are little triggers.  I have however learn to control my anger by doing the following:

  1. I forgave
  2. I prayed and asked God to help me because I can’t help myself
  3. I recognized that my anger won’t change what happened or make it the way it use to be
  4. I considered the fact that the anger is only hurting me
  5. I meditated on the scriptures that speaks to anger, sometimes repeating them up to a 100 times (ok so I am exaggerating but I had to repeat the scriptures many times)
  6. I wrote a letter, which I kept, expressing my anger

Anger is a natural reaction to injustice and you should never condemn yourself for being human. However, understands that anger destroys only you and whoever angers you control you, therefore staying angry allows the perpetrator to continue to hurt you. Psalm 37:8-9  says we should “Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.

Release the anger and hold on to God’s promise that He is taking care of the unfair situation.  The Word said evildoers will be cut off therefore do not fret over what they are doing.  Know that in a few years, whatever you are angry about won’t matter because it too shall pass.

Uldean